And Now We Wait...

Let me begin this post by saying that words cannot express how grateful I am for the incredible support of my family and friends. The number of texts and emails and facebook messages reminding me that you are praying for us and hoping for the best has blown me away. As David and I sat down to eat lunch, I pulled out my phone and showed him all the facebook messages, not even including texts and emails, and said, "do you still think it was a bad idea for me to share this cycle with everyone?" At that point he smiled and said, "I guess not." We are so incredibly blessed. Thank you all.

Today went well. I woke up this morning at 4:30 in a panic thinking that I had not planned to leave early enough. What if traffic was terrible? We had planned to get one last chiropractic adjustment in before the transfer, and that appointment was at 10:15, which would mean that I wouldn't have left Naperville until at least 10:30 or after and I was supposed to be downtown at noon. In my panic, I texted my mom, which woke her up (sorry, Mom) and she said for me to just not worry about my appointment. If I was worried about getting there in time, skip the appointment, and leave early. Sometimes you just need a little reassurance from your mom, no matter how old you are. I felt much better then, still took me a while to fall back to sleep, but I eventually did.

My mom came up this morning to stay with Tessa for the day, she also brough a load of groceries for an easy fix dinner tonight (have I said lately how incredible my mom is?). We took off for Chicago about 9:45. There was very little traffic on 88 getting in, but the closer we got to the city, the more construction traffic we were running into. It was about ten after 11 by the time we got to the parking garage at the 900 N Michigan building. At this point, I had started drinking my water. My biggest stressor on transfer day is that you have to go in with a full bladder because they use an on-the-belly ultrasound wand to see the best place to place the embryos, and for that, you have to have a full bladder. This is always the worst part of the experience. Most of our transfers, I have drank far too much water and have been feeling on the edge of exploding as I wait for my doctor to come in, often past the time he's supposed to be there. Then there was the time that I didn't drink enough water and I was terrified I had ruined the whole thing because he wouldn't be able to see. But...he's a pro and he was able to do it anyway. As silly as it sounds, I did some trial runs this week drinking my water and seeing how long it took me to get really full, so I felt pretty confident about it today, but still, always the biggest issue on transfer day. Anyway, we didn't have to check in to the surgery center until noon, so David and I just took a little walk down Michigan Ave. It was a beautiful day out and we were enjoying soaking up the sun. We wandered into the American Girl Doll store and browsed around which totally brought me back to my childhood.

We got back to the surgery center a few minutes before noon, got all checked in and they took us back to our little recovery room. The nurse came in to do vitals, then we just waited until my doctor got there. Thankfully, we were the first transfer of the day so he was right on time. Yahoo!! He came in and gave us the good news that both of our remaining two embryos thawed and looked beautiful. (That was my other concern as I was up at 4:30 this morning, what if one or both of them doesn't survive the thaw?) But no, they were fine. They wheel you back on the gurney and the transfer takes place. The procedure itself isn't long, 10-15 minutes tops. The most magical moment being the one when he says, "and transferring the embryos now." I squeeze David's hand, close my eyes, and pray fervently for my little babes in that instant. Then I get my ultrasound picture. Granted, the embryos are too small to actually be seen, but what you do see is the little air bubbles of where they were transferred to. I hold that picture close to my heart as they finish things up and wheel me on back to my recovery room. And that's where we rest. They have you rest there for a half hour. I kinda chuckled with the guy came in to do my vitals after the procedure, he walked in, introduced himself, and then said, "wait, you look really familiar, we've met before haven't we?" To that I responded, "Yes, unfortunately, this isn't our first rodeo. This is our 5th transfer over the last year and a half." Even the folks up at the surgery center are starting to be familiar with me, I'm praying this is the last time I'll ever have to go there!!! I pulled out my Kindle, opened up my Netflix app and watched The Office. Nothing like Michael Scott to get your mind off things. After a half hour, we're free to go.

We were both starving by this point because I hadn't had much of an appetite this morning for breakfast, so it was 1:30 and I had eaten nothing but half of a small bowl of Special K and a piece of cinnamon bread from the Morris Bakery (Thank you, Alissa). We went down into the mall part of the Bloomingdale's building and had a quick sandwich at Potbelly. Then we walked across the street to Jamba Juice, I was really craving a Mango a-go-go. Our last stop before leaving was Sprinkles Cupcakes. I know it sounds like we did a lot of walking after the transfer, but all these places were no more than a block from the building we were in and where our car was parked. I picked up a lemon cupcake for myself, a vanilla with sprinkles for Tessa, and a vanilla with chocolate frosting for my dad and red velvet for my mom, a little thanks to them. The trip home took forever, construction took us forever to just get out of the city, then we ran into a lot of traffic on 88 coming home. I was pretty tired, and the sun felt so warm that I just napped on the ride home, which was nice.

Now we're home. I'm glad to see my Tessa girl again. I miss her so much when I'm gone from her. And now we just wait. The doctor says it's fine to go back to normal activity, but I always get this feeling in my gut that says rest. I took almost a week off of work after I had my transfer when I got pregnant with Tessa. So David is taking off tomorrow so that he can be home to occupy the crazy 2 year old that we've got, and I hoping to chill on the couch, put my feet up, watch some tv, and make some hats. Now we just wait and hope for the best. In past cycles, sometimes I have taken pregnancy tests at home every day, and sometimes I've taken none. I'm not really sure what I want to do this time. I know I don't want to do them every day, but I've toyed with the idea of taking one the day before I have to go back in for my blood test with the doctor's office, but I'm just not sure. I have this real phobia of home pregnancy tests after all that we have been there. I will think about it and pray about it. I am very much at peace. I hope desperately that these are good results that we will receive, but if not, that's the Lord's will too, and I will praise Him no matter what. Like I said before, I am so humbled and feel so loved by all the messages I have received of people thinking of us and praying for us. My dad texted me this morning and told me that he and a group of people from work were going to be fasting and praying for us from 12-12:30, then my sister Amy texted me while I wasin the recovery room telling me that she fasted breakfast this morning to pray for me (and for a situation of their own). One of our pastors called David this morning and while we missed his call, David played his voicemail on speaker for me to hear as he prayed for us over the voicemail. I had several friends write their prayers to me, and countless more telling me that they had been and will continue to pray for us. It just moves me to know how many people care. It touches me to know that so many people are hoping and praying with us and for us so that we can hopefully get our miracle this time. Thank you all again for your prayers today, and I would ask that you would continue to pray. These next few days are going to be the days that hopefully our little babies are going to be implanting. Pray for peace for me as my anxiety tends to flare up when it is most unwanted. Pray that I am able to get the rest I need to best take care of myself. Pray for Tessa, that she will be a good little angel for Mommy on the days that we're here by ourselves. Pray for David, he carries so much on his shoulders in taking care of me, her, his responsibilities at work and at church, and he has his final test in his class that he's taking this sememster on Tuesday and he really needs a good grade on it. Most of all, like always, pray for success. Pray that these babies find the coziest spot they can and implant themselves deep to stay and grow for the next nine months. Thank you again for all your prayers, words cannot express the gratitude that I feel.