We will go in next week for our transfer. I'm glad to finally have it officially scheduled. I was quite certain that it would be that date when they didn't have me go this week, but it's for sure now. My appointment this morning went well, they said my lining is at a 9.9, which is only just needs to be at least a 7, so that's great. The last two times I've had it checked I was at 6 something then 7 something, so now that it's almost a 10 is really good. The nurse called this afternoon and said my e2 levels looked perfect and they scheduled me for next Thursday.
I am so ready for this part of the cycle to be over with. I've been taking a shot every day since March 30 and my stomach wants a break. I'm not sure why this cycle has been so rough with the shots, but I have been left with a multitude of colorful bruises and numerous nights after my shots I have been bleeding quite a bit at the injection site. Only 5 more shots. I can do it 5 more times. On Sunday, my meds change up, the shots stop, and I start progesterone and the estrogen decreases a little. I will be more than happy to put away those needles, hopefully for good.
It's been a little bit of a rough week off and on. I really haven't been feeling well from the medications, and these nights where I bleed a lot from the injection just seems to send me into a bit of a tailspin. I usually end up cuddled with David, crying to him about how much I need for this to be over. It's also been hard because right now I'm so surrounded by pregnant women, people I know, friends that I know through facebook, etc...and it's just been baby central. One baby born this week and 2 more having babies in the next couple days, and I have 2 more having babies in the next 2 weeks. I want to be in that club so bad, it's just hard when you feel a bit like an outsider. I want to be expecting my baby and be able to feel all those things again. I saw another facebook post today about someone who was feeling her baby move and how incredible it is, and I miss that. I am so thankful that I was able to experience it, and I have Tessa, but I miss that and I want it again so badly. I am so ready. So ready.
I was so encouraged on Sunday by our Community Group meeting. I love our time at Community Groups, we have an awesome group of people. We've been a part of this group since the beginning of 2011 and they are my second family. They have been there for us all throughout these insane last 17 months. We had a birthday party to go to earlier in the afternoon on Sunday, then we had to run home, grab our food and run to Community Groups. David was tired and I didn't feel well at all, and he kept telling me that we should just stay home. I refused, I wanted to get to our group and I wanted them to be able to pray for us. Because of the Easter holiday and spring break schedules, it had been the middle of March since we had met and those in our group who I don't often see (except at Community Group) didn't know we were cycling again, and I knew this would be the last one before our transfer. We ate, we visited, and we split up girls in one room and guys in another to just have some sharing and fellowship and prayer time. The question was asked about what trials God is leading you through right now. A couple other people shared, then I took the chance to let them know where we were at. Of course, I was doing really good to try and hold it together while I shared, avoiding the eyes of one other person at the end of our table because I knew she'd be crying and that would make me cry, and it wasn't until one of the women in our group told me that they were all here for us to hold us up during a time when we can't hold ourselves up, that the waterworks started, and really didn't stop most of the night. She kept emphasizing that this is what the body of Christ is for, to be the extension of Christ to those that need it. We spent a little time in prayer, then before we left, our whole group gathered taround David, Tessa and I, and just layed hands on us and prayed for us. I so needed that uplifting time and those moments with our close friends. They are praying for our miracle right alongside us, as I know many others are too, and it means the world to me. I have so little to offer right now, I'm so physically and emotionally worn down by all of the stuff that we have been through and are going through that it takes all of my strength to keep going some days. I'm just so thankful for my family and friends who are such in incredible support and a perfect example of th extension of the body of Christ.
So here I sit with 9 days to go until my doctor will be putting my two little babies where they belong and hopefully, they nestle in tight for a long ride. I'm feeling nervous already, just thinking about it gets my heart going. When the nurse called to let me know when the transfer was going to be today she also wanted me to make my appointment for my pregnancy test. My response to that was "urgh". I dread going in for the pregnancy test. I get so nervous on that day that I can hardly breathe. It's like I can't make up my mind. I want this whole thing to be over, if it's going to be good news in the end, but if it's not, if it's bad news again, I'm not ready for it to be over. I want more time to hope and to think happy thoughts. I'm scared for it to be over and for it to be negative and then what? Of course, if it's good news, I'm ready for it to be over now, this minute, this second. Unfortunately, I can't see the future and I don't know what the outcome is. So that leaves me feeling torn, excited and scared for this to be over. Ignorance is bliss, right? If it's bad news, I'm content to be ignorant to it a little while longer.
I'll end with my usual plea for prayer. Pray that I make it through the end of this week, only 5 more nights of shots. Pray that my fear and anxiety will stay far away. Pray for my friend, who gets her results back this week, I want positive results for her so badly. Pray that the transfer would go smoothly. Pray for my babies that are waiting for me. Pray for success.
As I'm typing the last few words, I can hear the alarm going off on my phone downstairs. Every night at 8:00 my alarm sounds, reminding me it's time to do my shot and take my medcine. Ten minutes from now, I'll be down to only 4 shots left. Pray.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Trusting in God's Perfect Timing
I guess I've been kinda making it a habit to update after my doctor's appointment, so why break the trend now? I had another visit this morning to do blood work and ultrasound. Tessa got to go with me again, and boy does she ever wow the crowd. They all love her, and she so loves the limelight. Instead of sitting quietly and playing with the toy she brought back from the waiting room which I got my blood drawn, she insisted on pulling up her chair and sitting right next to me. She kept asking, "what doing Mommy?" I would say, "oh, just gotta give a little blood." "Oh, you feel all better, Mommy?" She associates any needle going in my arm or stomach with feeling better. Yes, Tessa, I do feel better, especially when it's all done. Anyway, everything looked good. My lining was at 7.2, and they look for it to be 7 or better, and we would just have to wait to see the estrogen levels with the blood test results, which would come later in the afternoon.
My doctor's office has this handy little online Patient Portal. I really love it, I can log in, view test results, view my flowsheets (which give me dates, medications, ultrasound readings, etc. during my cycles), e-mail my doctor, all sorts of handy things. I especially like it because it keeps track of all the cycles we have done, going back to the one with Tessa. So I have my IVM cycle with Tessa, the IVF that we did last year, then now 4 FET cycles. It's nice because the information is there and I can go back and compare especially among these last FET cycles. I saw that my estrogen levels were posted on my portal before I heard from the nurse, so I went back to compare them to previous cycles. My lining was comparable to other cycles, even better than some, but my estrogen levels were lower than what they had been in previous cycles at this same point in the cycle, which I thought was odd. Then the nurse called me, she is relatively new to the practice, she doesn't know me quite like the other nurses do. I found it kinda funny when she was explaining my test results to me and telling me that doctor wants to increase my estrace tablets to continue to get my lining thicker, and that's when I jumped in and said, "to 3 and 3, right?" (3 tablets in the morning, 3 at night). She seemed surprised and said, "oh! That's right!" I kinda chuckled and said, "this is our 4th FET in the last year, I'm kinda an old pro at this." Anyway, she told me that doctor wanted me to come back next Tuesday for another round of blood work and ultrasound.
I was surprised by that, because I knew that meant that my transfer would be pushed back. I was fine with either date, but just surprised because the last two cycles my numbers have been similar and we would have transfered the following week. The nurse said my lining and estrogen were good, but didn't give any explanation as to why he was pushing it back another week. I'm at the point in this where I have nothing left to lose, and I'm doing my very best not to stress out and I know that if he wants to keep me on the meds (and consequently the shots) for another week, then it must be for a good reason. That's when I got to thinking about something. The one FET cycle that we have had in the last year that did work (ended in miscarriage, but still, I got pregnant) was the one that was this time last year. I remember being so psyched up for the transfer, then the Saturday before, when they called me with my results from the blood work and ultrasound, the nurse kindly told me that doctor was going to be on vacation next week and that my transfer would have to be pushed back to the following Thursday. At the time, I was devasted. I was very physically and emotionally ready for the transfer and changing the plan on me at the last minute was a little more than I could handle. Now, I am in no way saying that being on the meds an extra week was the reason it worked, because if it really increased your chances that much, I'm sure he would do that for everyone. But still, in my mind, it was the one major thing that was different about that cycle compared to the other ones. All eventually ended with a broken heart, but at least that one we had success, if only for a few short weeks.
I'm not saying that because we are pushing this transfer back that it's for sure going to work, I wish I could. I wish I knew that. I don't, but I do know that God's timing is perfect. While this timing seems a little off to me, I really had almost the same blood and ultrasound results as I have had at the same point in the last two cycles, but for some reason, this time, my doctor wants me to wait one more week. I'm okay with it, really okay with it. Usually, I don't handle deviations from the plan very well, but I feel good about this. I'm hopeful. Like I said, God's timing is the perfect timing, maybe He's just taking a minute to test my flexibility. :) Take all the time you want, God, I'll just be here, waiting.
Waiting...and hoping. I was talking with a friend today who is going through a shockingly similar situation and she and I were kinda going back and forth about being hopeful but yet guarding our hearts. After living through disappointment after disappointment throughout the last 16 months, my natural response is to put up big thick walls around my heart and to just assume that this last cycle won't work because the other ones didn't work either. I'm so tired of being heartbroken through this process that I want to be numb to it all, protect my heart and not let it hurt me. I want to not let myself be hopeful because I'm just going to get hurt all over again. However...after really looking back on the last year, as much as each time we did this, I tried to guard my heart from being broken, it still broke into a million pieces every time I would hear, "sorry, sweetie, it's not good news." Whether I let myself get my hopes up or not, my heart was still broken. So I'm trying this time to just be hopeful. My heart's going to be smashed if it doesn't work whether I'm hopeful or not, so I'm chosing to be hopeful. I'm chosing to be hopeful for my friend too, as my heart breaks into a million pieces for her too when things don't work out. I have realized that it's too much work to try to block my heart from getting hurt, it gets hurts no matter what, so I'm letting that go and just...hoping. Hoping for our miracle(s). :)
Please continue to pray for us. The anxieties of this cycle come back to bite me at the hardest times. Pray for peace, pray that the awfulness that I feel from these medications will wear off, pray for my friend (who I love dearly and has been incredible to me and for me), pray for our babies, pray for success. Thank you to all of you who have been praying. You mean the world to me!
My doctor's office has this handy little online Patient Portal. I really love it, I can log in, view test results, view my flowsheets (which give me dates, medications, ultrasound readings, etc. during my cycles), e-mail my doctor, all sorts of handy things. I especially like it because it keeps track of all the cycles we have done, going back to the one with Tessa. So I have my IVM cycle with Tessa, the IVF that we did last year, then now 4 FET cycles. It's nice because the information is there and I can go back and compare especially among these last FET cycles. I saw that my estrogen levels were posted on my portal before I heard from the nurse, so I went back to compare them to previous cycles. My lining was comparable to other cycles, even better than some, but my estrogen levels were lower than what they had been in previous cycles at this same point in the cycle, which I thought was odd. Then the nurse called me, she is relatively new to the practice, she doesn't know me quite like the other nurses do. I found it kinda funny when she was explaining my test results to me and telling me that doctor wants to increase my estrace tablets to continue to get my lining thicker, and that's when I jumped in and said, "to 3 and 3, right?" (3 tablets in the morning, 3 at night). She seemed surprised and said, "oh! That's right!" I kinda chuckled and said, "this is our 4th FET in the last year, I'm kinda an old pro at this." Anyway, she told me that doctor wanted me to come back next Tuesday for another round of blood work and ultrasound.
I was surprised by that, because I knew that meant that my transfer would be pushed back. I was fine with either date, but just surprised because the last two cycles my numbers have been similar and we would have transfered the following week. The nurse said my lining and estrogen were good, but didn't give any explanation as to why he was pushing it back another week. I'm at the point in this where I have nothing left to lose, and I'm doing my very best not to stress out and I know that if he wants to keep me on the meds (and consequently the shots) for another week, then it must be for a good reason. That's when I got to thinking about something. The one FET cycle that we have had in the last year that did work (ended in miscarriage, but still, I got pregnant) was the one that was this time last year. I remember being so psyched up for the transfer, then the Saturday before, when they called me with my results from the blood work and ultrasound, the nurse kindly told me that doctor was going to be on vacation next week and that my transfer would have to be pushed back to the following Thursday. At the time, I was devasted. I was very physically and emotionally ready for the transfer and changing the plan on me at the last minute was a little more than I could handle. Now, I am in no way saying that being on the meds an extra week was the reason it worked, because if it really increased your chances that much, I'm sure he would do that for everyone. But still, in my mind, it was the one major thing that was different about that cycle compared to the other ones. All eventually ended with a broken heart, but at least that one we had success, if only for a few short weeks.
I'm not saying that because we are pushing this transfer back that it's for sure going to work, I wish I could. I wish I knew that. I don't, but I do know that God's timing is perfect. While this timing seems a little off to me, I really had almost the same blood and ultrasound results as I have had at the same point in the last two cycles, but for some reason, this time, my doctor wants me to wait one more week. I'm okay with it, really okay with it. Usually, I don't handle deviations from the plan very well, but I feel good about this. I'm hopeful. Like I said, God's timing is the perfect timing, maybe He's just taking a minute to test my flexibility. :) Take all the time you want, God, I'll just be here, waiting.
Waiting...and hoping. I was talking with a friend today who is going through a shockingly similar situation and she and I were kinda going back and forth about being hopeful but yet guarding our hearts. After living through disappointment after disappointment throughout the last 16 months, my natural response is to put up big thick walls around my heart and to just assume that this last cycle won't work because the other ones didn't work either. I'm so tired of being heartbroken through this process that I want to be numb to it all, protect my heart and not let it hurt me. I want to not let myself be hopeful because I'm just going to get hurt all over again. However...after really looking back on the last year, as much as each time we did this, I tried to guard my heart from being broken, it still broke into a million pieces every time I would hear, "sorry, sweetie, it's not good news." Whether I let myself get my hopes up or not, my heart was still broken. So I'm trying this time to just be hopeful. My heart's going to be smashed if it doesn't work whether I'm hopeful or not, so I'm chosing to be hopeful. I'm chosing to be hopeful for my friend too, as my heart breaks into a million pieces for her too when things don't work out. I have realized that it's too much work to try to block my heart from getting hurt, it gets hurts no matter what, so I'm letting that go and just...hoping. Hoping for our miracle(s). :)
Please continue to pray for us. The anxieties of this cycle come back to bite me at the hardest times. Pray for peace, pray that the awfulness that I feel from these medications will wear off, pray for my friend (who I love dearly and has been incredible to me and for me), pray for our babies, pray for success. Thank you to all of you who have been praying. You mean the world to me!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Hey...where the baby go?
We had a lovely Easter weekend where we did many fun things with our family and had some incredible church services. I love Easter, I love the reminder of what Christ did for us so long ago. It's such an amazing time of year to celebrate. On Friday morning, we went to Good Friday service at church. It was a beautiful service, but as I stood there, surrounded by pregnant women and little babies I couldn't help but remember last year's Good Friday service. I was standing in probably very close to the same spot, and feeling overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness to the Lord for the life that was growing inside of me. I can remember thinking that next year at Easter, I would have a 4 month old to bring with me to service. Yet here I stood, no baby, no pregnancy, it was hard. The whole weekend was hard. I did my best to not dwell too much on it, but the reminder was always there. It was right after Easter last year (different date than this year because Easter isn't on the same calendar day every year) that we found out we had lost the baby. So between the emotional baggage and the fact that the shots I'm taking are continuing to make me not feel well, it was at times at rough weekend. Throughout it all, I had my beautiful Tessa, who was the princess of the house, and my incredibly supportive husband, who faces my mood swings like a champ, with me to celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord. Who could ask for more?
This morning, I had a doctor appointment to check on my progress after a good week and a half of taking the shots. My stomach is starting to get quite colorful from my injections, it was made all the more clear to me when I put on a white shirt to go to the doctor this morning and you could actually see my latest, biggest, and darkest bruise through the shirt. No, my shirt was not see-through, my bruise was just that dark. Imagine wearing a black bra with a white shirt, it's gonna show up no matter how thick the shirt is. :) Just another fun side effect of the medication. The appointment went well, the nurse called back this afternoon with the blood test results and everything looked good. I have a little change-up in my medications tonight and will continue with them until I go back next Tuesday for another round of blood work and ultrasound. Tessa went with me to my doctor's appointment this morning, I didn't have a sitter for her, and the appointments are usually so quick. She was the star of the office, all the nurses were ooohhing and aaahhhing over her. She was winning everybody over with talk of her upcoming birthday party and her favorite toys. I'm sure the staff there enjoys getting to see one of their babies coming back to visit. A reminder of why they do what they do. She went in with me for the ultrasound, and it was so sweet, and yet kinda sad at the same time. The tech did a quick ultrasound to see that everything looked good, she didn't say a whole lot, and when she turned the machine off Tessa said, "hey...where the baby go?" The tech kinda chuckled, and it made me smile. I turned to her and said, "sweetie, there is no baby, not yet at least." She really does comprehend so much of what is going on around her. So much more than I realized she does. We talk about it with her a little, we pray with her at night that God would bring her a baby brother or baby sister. She watches me take my shots, (and always asks me, "you feel better now, Mommy?"), but I know there's limits to what a two year old can comprehend so I don't explain a lot of it to her. She's watching and listening though. She gets so much more than I realized. My prayer for her tonight as I am becoming more and more aware is that God would protect her from the emotional strain that I feel throughout this process. It's hard enough on me, I don't want her to have to feel the stress and strain of the situation too.
It's looking like it's very possible that we will be transferring on April 26th, which is about 16 days away. Pray for us, pray for that day, pray for our last two babies that everything will go smoothly and that when we go back in for our pregnancy test that we get our happy ending.
This morning, I had a doctor appointment to check on my progress after a good week and a half of taking the shots. My stomach is starting to get quite colorful from my injections, it was made all the more clear to me when I put on a white shirt to go to the doctor this morning and you could actually see my latest, biggest, and darkest bruise through the shirt. No, my shirt was not see-through, my bruise was just that dark. Imagine wearing a black bra with a white shirt, it's gonna show up no matter how thick the shirt is. :) Just another fun side effect of the medication. The appointment went well, the nurse called back this afternoon with the blood test results and everything looked good. I have a little change-up in my medications tonight and will continue with them until I go back next Tuesday for another round of blood work and ultrasound. Tessa went with me to my doctor's appointment this morning, I didn't have a sitter for her, and the appointments are usually so quick. She was the star of the office, all the nurses were ooohhing and aaahhhing over her. She was winning everybody over with talk of her upcoming birthday party and her favorite toys. I'm sure the staff there enjoys getting to see one of their babies coming back to visit. A reminder of why they do what they do. She went in with me for the ultrasound, and it was so sweet, and yet kinda sad at the same time. The tech did a quick ultrasound to see that everything looked good, she didn't say a whole lot, and when she turned the machine off Tessa said, "hey...where the baby go?" The tech kinda chuckled, and it made me smile. I turned to her and said, "sweetie, there is no baby, not yet at least." She really does comprehend so much of what is going on around her. So much more than I realized she does. We talk about it with her a little, we pray with her at night that God would bring her a baby brother or baby sister. She watches me take my shots, (and always asks me, "you feel better now, Mommy?"), but I know there's limits to what a two year old can comprehend so I don't explain a lot of it to her. She's watching and listening though. She gets so much more than I realized. My prayer for her tonight as I am becoming more and more aware is that God would protect her from the emotional strain that I feel throughout this process. It's hard enough on me, I don't want her to have to feel the stress and strain of the situation too.
It's looking like it's very possible that we will be transferring on April 26th, which is about 16 days away. Pray for us, pray for that day, pray for our last two babies that everything will go smoothly and that when we go back in for our pregnancy test that we get our happy ending.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Here We Go Again...
Here we go again, yes, I am almost a week into the last of this round of FET cycles. Last Thursday morning, I went in for a blood draw and was given the all clear to start my Lupron injections. I take those daily, every evening, right around 8pm. So far, it's been going fine. I was nervous to do the first one, but after it was done, it kinda felt like old times again. Sad, I know. The medicine has been making me feel not too well in the evenings. I am extremely tired, and get achy and uncomfortable and super super emotional, which is not much fun. I feel like I've been on the verge of tears for a week. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated. I'm not exactly sure when we will end up transferring these last two precious babies of ours, but probably around the end of April, is my best guess. Please pray, we need all the prayers we can get. We so desperately want for this cycle to be the one that works.
I was so excited to get started again with this last cycle, I was really ready to get going. As the days are passing, I am getting more and more nervous and scared too. I'm trying to, but I think it's natural given our situation. I'm terrified that we are going to once again hear bad news. I want to trust completely that God is going to answer this desperate cry of ours, but it may not be in His plan, as much as I want it, it may not. I need peace as we progress throughout this cycle, I know it's only going to get more and more intense, and I just need to pray that God's peace would cover David and I through this all. We are both excited, but so scared at the same time. Every other cycle we've done, there's always been that fear of what if it's negative, but there was also always the comfort in knowing that we still had another try because there were still embryos frozen, I don't have that comfort this time, so I have to look up to find my comfort.
Easter is less than a week away, and last night David and I sat down to color Easter eggs with Tessa. She loved it, she really had a great time. I think she probably cracked as many eggs as she colored, my goofy girl. These first two pictures are from last night's egg coloring extravaganza!
I love Easter, it's the most amazing time of the year to celebrate what our Savior did for us on the cross. We had a great service in church on Sunday, I'm quite certain I cried through most of it. It just really moves my heart to see and hear the sacrifice that He made for me so that I could be with Him someday. This year, I admit, Easter is bringing back some different memories for me as well. It really hit me when we sat down to dye eggs last night. April 12, 2011 was the day that I got my positive home pregnancy test from the first FET cycle that we did. We got to spend the whole Easter season preparing to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus knowing and thanking Him every minute of every day for the special blessing He had given us. When we color eggs, we always write our names on them and make one egg for each member of our family. Last year, we made an egg for Daddy, Mommy, Tessa and Baby. We didn't want to jinx it and sway the gender one way or the other, so we made the baby's egg a yellow one. I intentionally omitted the picture below from my facebook albums from Easter because it was still too early to share with anyone other than our closest friends, but we were just so excited. Tessa was going to be a big sister and she was excited too. On Easter Sunday we shared the news with the rest of my mom's side of the family when we gathered at my grandparents' house for our Easter dinner. It was the day after Easter, that Monday when we went in for our ultrasound to see if we had one or two babies and if it(they) had implanted in a good spot when we found out that we had lost the baby.
I was so excited to get started again with this last cycle, I was really ready to get going. As the days are passing, I am getting more and more nervous and scared too. I'm trying to, but I think it's natural given our situation. I'm terrified that we are going to once again hear bad news. I want to trust completely that God is going to answer this desperate cry of ours, but it may not be in His plan, as much as I want it, it may not. I need peace as we progress throughout this cycle, I know it's only going to get more and more intense, and I just need to pray that God's peace would cover David and I through this all. We are both excited, but so scared at the same time. Every other cycle we've done, there's always been that fear of what if it's negative, but there was also always the comfort in knowing that we still had another try because there were still embryos frozen, I don't have that comfort this time, so I have to look up to find my comfort.
Easter is less than a week away, and last night David and I sat down to color Easter eggs with Tessa. She loved it, she really had a great time. I think she probably cracked as many eggs as she colored, my goofy girl. These first two pictures are from last night's egg coloring extravaganza!
I love Easter, it's the most amazing time of the year to celebrate what our Savior did for us on the cross. We had a great service in church on Sunday, I'm quite certain I cried through most of it. It just really moves my heart to see and hear the sacrifice that He made for me so that I could be with Him someday. This year, I admit, Easter is bringing back some different memories for me as well. It really hit me when we sat down to dye eggs last night. April 12, 2011 was the day that I got my positive home pregnancy test from the first FET cycle that we did. We got to spend the whole Easter season preparing to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus knowing and thanking Him every minute of every day for the special blessing He had given us. When we color eggs, we always write our names on them and make one egg for each member of our family. Last year, we made an egg for Daddy, Mommy, Tessa and Baby. We didn't want to jinx it and sway the gender one way or the other, so we made the baby's egg a yellow one. I intentionally omitted the picture below from my facebook albums from Easter because it was still too early to share with anyone other than our closest friends, but we were just so excited. Tessa was going to be a big sister and she was excited too. On Easter Sunday we shared the news with the rest of my mom's side of the family when we gathered at my grandparents' house for our Easter dinner. It was the day after Easter, that Monday when we went in for our ultrasound to see if we had one or two babies and if it(they) had implanted in a good spot when we found out that we had lost the baby.
Sometimes it is unbelievable that it has been a year since we lost that baby and 15 months since we started this whole process. So many of the days have passed in a blur, but I had to make a conscious effort to not let all this time slip away from me. This was such a special year in Tessa's life, she learned and did so many new things that I didn't want to miss any of it. I didn't want to look back at that time of my life and realize that I had been so wrapped up in my own sorrow and misery that I missed watching Tessa grow up.
We have given ourselves several months off, I feel refreshed and ready to tackle this cycle. Please pray for us that this one is our good news, that this cycle will be the one that works. We have two precious little babes waiting and I am so anxious to have them inside me and pray that they will find the perfect place to settle for the next nine months.
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