Here We Go Again...

Here we go again, yes, I am almost a week into the last of this round of FET cycles. Last Thursday morning, I went in for a blood draw and was given the all clear to start my Lupron injections. I take those daily, every evening, right around 8pm. So far, it's been going fine. I was nervous to do the first one, but after it was done, it kinda felt like old times again. Sad, I know. The medicine has been making me feel not too well in the evenings. I am extremely tired, and get achy and uncomfortable and super super emotional, which is not much fun. I feel like I've been on the verge of tears for a week. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated. I'm not exactly sure when we will end up transferring these last two precious babies of ours, but probably around the end of April, is my best guess. Please pray, we need all the prayers we can get. We so desperately want for this cycle to be the one that works.

I was so excited to get started again with this last cycle, I was really ready to get going. As the days are passing, I am getting more and more nervous and scared too. I'm trying to, but I think it's natural given our situation. I'm terrified that we are going to once again hear bad news. I want to trust completely that God is going to answer this desperate cry of ours, but it may not be in His plan, as much as I want it, it may not. I need peace as we progress throughout this cycle, I know it's only going to get more and more intense, and I just need to pray that God's peace would cover David and I through this all. We are both excited, but so scared at the same time. Every other cycle we've done, there's always been that fear of what if it's negative, but there was also always the comfort in knowing that we still had another try because there were still embryos frozen, I don't have that comfort this time, so I have to look up to find my comfort.

Easter is less than a week away, and last night David and I sat down to color Easter eggs with Tessa. She loved it, she really had a great time. I think she probably cracked as many eggs as she colored, my goofy girl. These first two pictures are from last night's egg coloring extravaganza!

I love Easter, it's the most amazing time of the year to celebrate what our Savior did for us on the cross. We had a great service in church on Sunday, I'm quite certain I cried through most of it. It just really moves my heart to see and hear the sacrifice that He made for me so that I could be with Him someday. This year, I admit, Easter is bringing back some different memories for me as well. It really hit me when we sat down to dye eggs last night. April 12, 2011 was the day that I got my positive home pregnancy test from the first FET cycle that we did. We got to spend the whole Easter season preparing to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus knowing and thanking Him every minute of every day for the special blessing He had given us. When we color eggs, we always write our names on them and make one egg for each member of our family. Last year, we made an egg for Daddy, Mommy, Tessa and Baby. We didn't want to jinx it and sway the gender one way or the other, so we made the baby's egg a yellow one. I intentionally omitted the picture below from my facebook albums from Easter because it was still too early to share with anyone other than our closest friends, but we were just so excited. Tessa was going to be a big sister and she was excited too. On Easter Sunday we shared the news with the rest of my mom's side of the family when we gathered at my grandparents' house for our Easter dinner. It was the day after Easter, that Monday when we went in for our ultrasound to see if we had one or two babies and if it(they) had implanted in a good spot when we found out that we had lost the baby.

Sometimes it is unbelievable that it has been a year since we lost that baby and 15 months since we started this whole process. So many of the days have passed in a blur, but I had to make a conscious effort to not let all this time slip away from me. This was such a special year in Tessa's life, she learned and did so many new things that I didn't want to miss any of it. I didn't want to look back at that time of my life and realize that I had been so wrapped up in my own sorrow and misery that I missed watching Tessa grow up.

We have given ourselves several months off, I feel refreshed and ready to tackle this cycle. Please pray for us that this one is our good news, that this cycle will be the one that works. We have two precious little babes waiting and I am so anxious to have them inside me and pray that they will find the perfect place to settle for the next nine months.