Hey...where the baby go?

We had a lovely Easter weekend where we did many fun things with our family and had some incredible church services. I love Easter, I love the reminder of what Christ did for us so long ago. It's such an amazing time of year to celebrate. On Friday morning, we went to Good Friday service at church. It was a beautiful service, but as I stood there, surrounded by pregnant women and little babies I couldn't help but remember last year's Good Friday service. I was standing in probably very close to the same spot, and feeling overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness to the Lord for the life that was growing inside of me. I can remember thinking that next year at Easter, I would have a 4 month old to bring with me to service. Yet here I stood, no baby, no pregnancy, it was hard. The whole weekend was hard. I did my best to not dwell too much on it, but the reminder was always there. It was right after Easter last year (different date than this year because Easter isn't on the same calendar day every year) that we found out we had lost the baby. So between the emotional baggage and the fact that the shots I'm taking are continuing to make me not feel well, it was at times at rough weekend. Throughout it all, I had my beautiful Tessa, who was the princess of the house, and my incredibly supportive husband, who faces my mood swings like a champ, with me to celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord. Who could ask for more?

This morning, I had a doctor appointment to check on my progress after a good week and a half of taking the shots. My stomach is starting to get quite colorful from my injections, it was made all the more clear to me when I put on a white shirt to go to the doctor this morning and you could actually see my latest, biggest, and darkest bruise through the shirt. No, my shirt was not see-through, my bruise was just that dark. Imagine wearing a black bra with a white shirt, it's gonna show up no matter how thick the shirt is. :) Just another fun side effect of the medication. The appointment went well, the nurse called back this afternoon with the blood test results and everything looked good. I have a little change-up in my medications tonight and will continue with them until I go back next Tuesday for another round of blood work and ultrasound. Tessa went with me to my doctor's appointment this morning, I didn't have a sitter for her, and the appointments are usually so quick. She was the star of the office, all the nurses were ooohhing and aaahhhing over her. She was winning everybody over with talk of her upcoming birthday party and her favorite toys. I'm sure the staff there enjoys getting to see one of their babies coming back to visit. A reminder of why they do what they do. She went in with me for the ultrasound, and it was so sweet, and yet kinda sad at the same time. The tech did a quick ultrasound to see that everything looked good, she didn't say a whole lot, and when she turned the machine off Tessa said, "hey...where the baby go?" The tech kinda chuckled, and it made me smile. I turned to her and said, "sweetie, there is no baby, not yet at least." She really does comprehend so much of what is going on around her. So much more than I realized she does. We talk about it with her a little, we pray with her at night that God would bring her a baby brother or baby sister. She watches me take my shots, (and always asks me, "you feel better now, Mommy?"), but I know there's limits to what a two year old can comprehend so I don't explain a lot of it to her. She's watching and listening though. She gets so much more than I realized. My prayer for her tonight as I am becoming more and more aware is that God would protect her from the emotional strain that I feel throughout this process. It's hard enough on me, I don't want her to have to feel the stress and strain of the situation too.

It's looking like it's very possible that we will be transferring on April 26th, which is about 16 days away. Pray for us, pray for that day, pray for our last two babies that everything will go smoothly and that when we go back in for our pregnancy test that we get our happy ending.