I read an article a few weeks ago about women that deal with infertility and how many of them suffer in silence. This happens often because they are embarrassed or ashamed to talk about what they are going through or don’t know who to talk to about it. This really bothers me. For a long while now, it’s been on my heart to share my story, but I haven’t really known the right way to do it or felt a strong direction about it. In the last couple weeks, it has been made clear to me. I want to tell my story. I want it to be an encouragement to someone who needs it or to someone who knows someone who needs it. There is very little that I understand about why we have had to go through what we have been through, but one thing I know for sure is that I am meant to be there to help someone else just as others have been there for me. This is our story.
This last year has been one of the most painful times that I have ever experienced. I never imagined a year ago that I would be where I am today. Before I get too much into our crazy 2011, let me do a little background information for those who don’t know our story from the beginning. David and I got married young, we were only 20. We had been married for a little over three years when we decided that we wanted to have a baby. It seemed so simple. You never imagine things not working out the way you dreamed them. Well, 9 months later…still no baby. I cried every month that the test showed negative. I read all the books and websites I could find. We took the vitamins and supplements that were supposed to help. I started seeing a chiropractor regularly because I figured that would help. Nothing made a difference.
In May, I went in to see my doctor for my regular exam, and she started asking questions and I just started crying. I was so frustrated and discouraged; I didn’t understand why we still didn’t have a baby. She said we would start some testing on David and I. At the end of June we received the phone call that turned our lives upside down, letting us know that things weren’t right and we needed to see a specialist. I can remember being in so much shock that I didn’t really have words. It was my worst fears becoming reality. We had dinner plans that evening with my parents, and I can just remember sitting there through dinner, hardly talking. There was so much to process, so much I didn’t understand, and this intense feeling of all of my dreams slipping out of my hands. It still takes my breath away to think about that day. I remember where in our apartment I was standing as I talked to the nurse from the doctor’s office on the phone, and I can remember exactly what she said to me and that she said it in the most chipper tone. I remember thinking, really? Do you really have to sound that happy? Do you not realize that what you just told me changed my life forever? God really had his hand in our situation, because, in July, the night before our first doctor appointment, an old friend of our family happened to be in town and wanted to come and visit. I hadn’t seen her for years, but as it turned out, she had been through IVF with both of her pregnancies and as she sat there and talked to and cried with me, I knew I had found my support. Granted, my family was the biggest support I could ask for, but I was desperately needing someone who had been through it, who could talk to me and help me understand what was going on. It was divine intervention.
The next day we met with a doctor, and the following week another one, both recommended by friends, and there was one we just really felt comfortable with. He told us that in vitro fertilization (IVF) was going to be our only option to have a baby. I knew of some other friends that had tried less invasive treatments first, but our doctor informed us that it wouldn’t be worth our time, it wouldn’t work. I knew this was what we would have to do. We looked into our insurance coverage and lo and behold, it didn’t cover any of it. It covered the diagnostic part, so they would pay for it up to the part where they tell you that you’re broken, but didn’t pay to fix it. IVF was expensive, around $15,000 expensive.
We weren’t sure what we were going to do. My doctor offered us another option. He wasn’t sure if I would qualify, but he was conducting a clinical study of a type of in vitro called IVM, in vitro maturation. In IVF, a woman would be given injectable hormones to bring multiple eggs to maturity at one time. The eggs are then retrieved then fertilized in the lab. After 5 days, one or two are transferred back to your uterus in hopes that they would find a spot to stay and grow into a healthy baby. IVM is a little different. With IVM, most of your eggs are harvest immaturely, along with the one mature egg your body naturally produces, then in the lab, they are given the maturing drugs, then fertilized and transferred back. Only certain patients, based on age and fertility diagnosis could participate in the trial.
In August, we were set to take a family vacation to Destin, FL. It was while we were there that I got the call from him that we would qualify for the trial if we wanted to do it, the best part was that because it was a trial, it was free. We thought and prayed about it, and decided, YES! This was for us! We knew the chances for success were lower than IVF, our doctor was hoping for 2 out 5 successful pregnancies, whereas with IVF, you get about a 50-60% chance for success. We figured, why not? Let’s give it a try, and if it doesn’t work, we can always do IVF next. Before we left Florida, we decided that we wanted to buy something for our little one that we knew we were going to have in our lives. David and I found this little yellow onesie that said some obnoxious little phrase about vacationing in Destin. Then my mom surprised me with two little onesies that both had a pink and blue dolphin on them, because she really thought we might end up with twins. When we got home, I put those little reminders in my top dresser drawer, and every time I opened it, I prayed for that little baby that I just knew we were going to have. (I still have those onesies, they’re still in the top dresser drawer, not mine, but of my daughter’s.)
In August of 2008, we started our IVM cycle. The cycle was pretty easy to begin with, just office visits where I would get blood drawn and do an ultrasound, nothing major. I didn’t have to have any of the super-ovulatory drugs that made me feel sick and miserable, like I had read about in many books. I only had to take one shot before my retrieval, and thankfully, we were living with my parents at the time, and with my mom being a nurse, I didn’t have to do it myself. We went in 36 hours later for our retrieval. We had to go to the surgery center which was downtown Chicago. My aunt drove David, my mom and I to the city. I was pretty miserable after the retrieval, that one you have to be put under for. I didn’t expect the pain that followed it, but a couple days on the couch and I was feeling better. The doctor was able to retrieve one mature egg and several immature ones. He called me every other day, letting me know how the embryos were doing and how many were still surviving. We knew that he would transfer up to three embryos. In an IVF cycle, for someone my age, he would never do more than 2, but because this had a much lower chance for success, he would transfer 3, if we had them. The transfer was on Tuesday, and by Friday, we had three left. He said they all looked good. I was feeling great. Then he called Saturday and said that we may be moving the transfer up from Monday to Sunday. Two of the embryos were starting to fracture, and he wanted to try and transfer before it was too late. Then Sunday he called again and said one did fracture completely, but the other stopped fracturing and looked it was going to be viable, so we were still waiting for Monday because the 5 day transfer gives the embryos the best chance for survival. Monday morning, David, my mom and I trucked back up to the surgery center in Chicago to have my little babies put back inside where they belonged. After they were put back in, he gave me an ultrasound picture. Of course, you couldn’t see the embryos, they were far too small, but you could see little air bubbles from where he transferred them. I held onto that picture so tightly. We prayed over those babies every night and what seemed like most waking moments of the day. I took several days off work to stay home and rest, and keep my feet up (even though the doctor said it was fine to resume normal activity, I just felt better about it.)
A ridiculously nervewracking week later, on Monday, September 15th, I went in for my blood test in the morning. The blood test measures your hcg level, and anything about 5 or 10 is considered a positive test, but most numbers are about 40 or 50 at this point. I waited all day for the callback from the nurse, between 1 and 4 pm. I kept checking my patient portal online, because sometimes test results were posted before the nurse got a chance to call. At 1:30, I checked it again, and saw that my results were in. I remember feeling like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I clicked on the results and it said 58.9. I was pretty sure I knew what that meant, but wanted to be certain. I looked up on a few websites, and after I was sure, I went next door to my teaching partner (who was also anxiously awaiting the news) and said, “my hcg is 58.9, I think that means I’m pregnant.” She screamed, I was still in shock. I waited for the official phone call from the nurse that afternoon and she confirmed it. My dreams were back within my grasp. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to tell my family over the phone, even though they knew I was getting results back, so I was mean, and told them the nurse called and said the results were inconclusive and I would have to retest in a couple days. On my way home, I stopped at Target and bought some cute little onesie that said something about Daddy on it, and took it home for David. We all rejoiced! It was incredible! Of course, every weird feeling or pain or ache made me terrified. I just was so afraid that after all we’d gone through, it was going to be taken away from me.
I loved being pregnant. Yes, I was sick, really sick in the first trimester. I think it had something to do with the fact that I had a double dose of hormones taking over my body, some that my body produced naturally and some that I was giving myself through injection, but it was incredible, the best time of my life. I first felt her move on December 14; it was the most amazing feeling, to know that life is stirring about within you. At Christmastime we found out that my sister was expecting also, so it was really special to get to experience it with her. On January 3 we found out we were having a girl! I was so nervous during the ultrasound to find out the gender of our little bundle. Then we celebrated with lunch out and a trip to Carters to buy far too many pink and purple outfits! In February, we bought our townhouse and moved in, with just a few months left to go. My favorite room to decorate was hers. I would sit in her room rocking in the chair every night just dreaming of what it would be like for my girl to be here and to put her to bed in her room every night. We got to do some really neat things during my pregnancy. Because of the clinical study that we underwent to have her, she was a pretty special baby. Our doctor was in the news several times because of his success in this clinical trial. We were interviewed and put on the WGN and ABC7 news where we were able to share bits of our story. Our doctor also did a live interview on the CBS Early Show. It was a really neat experience to be a part of, and we are so thankful that we chose to give the IVM a try, because we got such an incredible result from it.
On May 27, 2009, a day after her due date, Tessa Charlotte arrived in all her glory; all 9 pounds, 7 ounces of her. She has been the joy of my life every day since. Every morning, I wake up, look at her beautiful face and I just can’t believe how blessed we are to have her. I just can’t believe that she is mine and I get to spend every day being her mom. She’s 2 ½ now, and while she challenges us daily, she’s the best thing that ever happened to us. I love her with every ounce of my being. She is my whole world.
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